Fear
A short word that has so much power over our everyday existence. I realise that everybody is afraid of something; even the biggest and strongest man in the world is afraid of something or someone. I feel like I am afraid of too many things: lizards, rats, frogs, snakes, crocodiles/alligators, men with hairy backs, touching wet surfaces in the dark, and wet toilet paper on the floor. There was a time I was afraid of Jonkonnu (Jamaica) and those Moko Jumbie masqueraders popular in the Eastern Caribbean. The masks and behaviour scared me until I got older and realised they were just men dressed up in weird makeup. Now I simply wonder what would happen if I tripped one of them; would the costume's padding cushion the fall? I wondered as well whether, falling from so high up on those stilts, how hard they would hit the ground. I am not wicked, just curious.
Fear is a terrible thing. My sister and I almost moved out of our family home once because of a lizard and stopped short of having a deliverance service once after the back door kept rattling. We hadn't built a fence yet, and it turned out it was someone's pig that had gotten loose. God must have laughed because I kept pleading the Blood of Jesus over whatever demon was causing the door to rattle. Fear can be crippling too, because for some people their fears are more social and live in their minds rent-free, permanently. It creates anxiety and literally prevents them from living normal lives. I suppose my fear of lizards is the same because traveling to the Eastern Caribbean is always a challenge. I feel like the lizards in the Eastern Caribbean are fed steroids; why dem suh big, mercy!! I feel like lizards are "the weapon formed against me". I am done with this topic of lizards because they will know I am talking about them and show up at my front door later tonight.
Fear is a wicked, ungodly thing, for real. I had a cousin who died, and I accompanied her daughter and my other cousin to dress her for the funeral. That was a traumatic day, not just because she died but because of all that happened in that cold, barren room. There were several caskets on the other side of the room that I assumed were for show and empty. Being my curious self, I walked around the room, read the various signs posted on the wall, and noticed names on the caskets. I asked the employee whether people had bought the caskets and whether that was why they were labeled. The young man promptly informed me that the labels were the names of the people inside. Great God of Daniel!! I ran for my life and only stopped when I was safely on the other side of the street, across from the funeral home. I am, however, a sucker for pain; I went back inside after thirty minutes or so. Going back was a mistake. My cousins had started combing her hair and putting on makeup to make her look like her living self. It seems the activity made her body move, leaving her left hand uncovered and swinging to the side of the table, exposed and right next to me, almost touching my hand. That almost took me out. For 1 solid year, every time I closed my eyes to sleep, all I saw was the grey, chubby hand of my dead cousin swinging beside me. My advice to people since then: let the funeral home dress the dead; don't go; if you love your life, stay far from that.
There is also the fear of the future. This is a whole other stress. I could list so many things that make me afraid of the future that this episode of "Being My Authentic Self" would not end. However, this morning and this week, I am holding fast to God's promises that God is for me, not against me; His word says so, and He honours His word above His name. Jeremiah 29: 11 says, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." He also promised in Deuteronomy 31:8: “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged”. I am holding on to these 2 promises today. I have to, otherwise I will live in constant fear, and that makes no sense.
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