I recall my late twenties when I had friends of all sorts. I had friends I grew up with; I had friends at work; I had friends at church; I had friends I met through other friends. I had young friends and a lot of older friends. I had a community of people who played different roles in my life and who occupied various spaces in which I existed. This meant that I had an active social life, parties, day trips to the country, dinners, sporting events and just a good lyme (hang out). We supported each other in big and small ways. When my mom's house needed painting a group of us got together and got it done. The guys painted and we cooked and kept morale going. Shortly after I bought my first car I got a flat tire in some arbitrary location and I simply called a friend; tire changed, repaired and refitted. A family member was in the hospital and needed something delivered, I called a friend and she made a U-turn and went and got it done until I could get from St. Catherine to Kingston. Life was a network of friends, family, and reliable acquaintances. I didn't have many of the aloof or pretentious kind around me as I was neither of those things - I hope.
Life was simple, and there wasn't much awkwardness and thought of political correctness. I was available to help friends and family; there was reciprocity and we were accessible. You knew which friends could be called for what purpose. There were those guys who had never changed a car tire before or lifted a concrete block, moreover they wouldn't know the difference between a daffodil and an azalea. However, if I needed a lift to go some place or company to carry out a particular transaction, or a lizard dead, they were your go-to. I was a driver, vibes master, and a general resource person, if you wanted to know where to get something call Althea. I always knew someone or had access to something. In my twenties and likewise my thirties I had a strong community of friends and by extension help in times of need or trouble. Twenty years on life is completely different.
Every time there is a threat of a hurricane, the need to interact with contractors or motor vehicle mechanics, the need to go to do something you would rather not do alone, the need to "hold a vibes" or the need to be my unfiltered self I realize how small my community has become. I realize these days that everything I need done at home, no matter how insignificant, I have to pay someone to do it. When I am in a difficult position I am stumped because I can hardly come up with the name of three persons who I can readily say to, come here now. There are those one or two friends who are ALWAYS ready to be there for me but do I call them every single time? Life has changed and not necessarily for the better in that regard. A number of those I used to call my "ride or die" have either migrated to foreign lands or consumed by family and responsibilities. One of my heartbeats and her husband jumped in to help me and my sister the other day and it made me think, this used to be the norm. It however made me feel grateful and just blessed that even though I was paying for most things nowadays I still had a community. A small community, but a community nonetheless. I realized also that, I might be at fault as well because I can also ask for help. I allow my perceptions and insecurities prevent me from asking. I realized as well that as I am aging my community is also aging and the time we all once had now passes quickly. Time passes quickly because of all our individual responsibilities and growing commitments. I love my now small community.
What this all means is that I will have to rework my budget and savings for retirement to include line items called natural disasters, incidentals and planned gatherings. That is fine, for when that time comes me and my small community will have time again and then we will simply reminisce on the days when we were so so busy.
